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We all need friends.
No matter how old we are, our gender, how many siblings we have or what job we do, building healthy friendships is vital for our emotional and mental wellbeing.
But what’s the connection between them?
First, let’s get clear on what ‘friendship’ means. According to Consultant Psychologist Dr Bec Jackson, “Our friends are part of our social connections, which is about sharing time and experience with another person.”
She adds that these social connections are often friends, but they can also be family, colleagues and your community.
Dr Bec also says that all your relationships have an impact on your mental wellbeing. She comments that some of the many benefits of quality social connections include:
However, she says that it’s not just about the number of friends you have – quality matters just as much as quantity. “Throughout your life, both the number and strength of your relationships affect your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.”
That means someone with a few close, supportive friends may be just as happy and healthy – if not more so – than someone with a wide circle of casual acquaintances
According to Dr Bec, the recommended average of social connections for a healthy life is three relationships.
A healthy friendship is built on trust, respect, gratitude and care. So Dr Bec says that if your friends respect your boundaries and you respect theirs, that's a sign of a positive, supportive relationship.
Good friends also look out for each other and listen without interrupting. And a sure sign that a friendship is worth keeping is when you just feel like life is better with your friend in it.
However, the unfortunate reality is that not all of the friendships we build are healthy ones. Signs that your friendship might be unhealthy (and perhaps even toxic) include a friend who:
As we get older, it can be hard to make new friends and even harder to maintain current friendships. But making the effort to establish and strengthen your relationships is worth it.
Relationships and social connectedness create a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical wellbeing. When you feel connected with others and have strong relationships, you’re likely to have a better quality of life and be more satisfied with it too.
Having a strong social network can even help to improve your libido, regardless of whether you’re single or in a romantic relationship.
Dr Bec says that strong, healthy relationships can also affect your physical health. She mentions that they can help to strengthen your immune system, help you recover from illness, and may even lengthen your life.
On the flip side, she adds, loneliness and social isolation can have negative consequences for your health. Loneliness can lead to disrupted sleep patterns, elevated blood pressure, and an increase in the stress hormone cortisol. It can also decrease your overall sense of contentment, self-worth and meaning.
However, Dr Bec cautions that it’s essential to understand that loneliness is different from solitude. Many people enjoy spending time alone – some find they need that time to themselves to re-energise. These people still need some social connection, but may need less than others do.
So living alone or enjoying time spent in solitude can be perfectly healthy. It’s the feeling of loneliness that’s the problem.
We mentioned above that having enough healthy relationships in your life is as much about quality as it is about quantity. But for most people, having a single good friend isn’t enough for optimal connection.
According to Dr Bec, the recommended average of social connections for a healthy life is three relationships, although some people will have more and some less.
She says that aiming to build five supportive relationships in your life means you’ll benefit from everything that healthy, positive social connections have to offer.
Strong, healthy relationships can affect your physical health. They may even lengthen your life.
The good news is that even though your life may run in a different direction to your friend’s, technology makes it easy to stay in contact. To maintain a sense of closeness despite physical distance, send them messages or emails, share photos and make time for phone or video calls.
Using Dr Gary Chapman’s five love languages can also help you to build solid relationships. When you understand what makes your friends feel loved, it’s easier to build a deeper connection with them.
Sometimes when we’re going through a rough patch, we can pull away from family and friends. We don’t want to burden them with what’s happening for us.
But Dr Bec says that pushing through a sad or stressful time alone takes a toll on your mental wellbeing. So instead of avoiding people, let them know how you’re feeling. Tell them that because you care, you don’t want to offload all your stress onto them. Explain that what you need right now is to talk with people who understand you.
When we approach tough topics with honesty, the people closest to us lean in with support and love. It’s important to let the ones we care about into our lives – in fact, this vulnerability can actually strengthen relationships.
Dr Bec’s key takeaway is that we should all make time and space in our lives for healthy relationships. Our minds and bodies both benefit from uplifting, nurturing friendships.
Reviewed by healthylife Advisory Board June 2021